Happy New Year

The year 2004 has been very good to me. Actually it's been a year of so many "firsts" for me. It started out with me being promoted to L2 at around the end of 2003. With that came new responsibilities, new support boundaries, and of course new friends and team mates. It was actually at the start of 2004 that I got to know the other L2 agents more and I found new friends, shopping mates and gimmick buddies among them.

Summer of '04 was the first time I got to go to Puerto Gallera. I was actually supposed to go there with Maya, Knought, Bakemono, Gilbz, Salie, Kat, Olan and Kate but a storm came up so we went to Laguna instead. However, Olan and Kate knew how much I really wanted to go there and that I've never been there so they asked me to go with them a couple of weeks later. Although it was just the three of us, we still had fun and we got to relax.

It was also this year that I got to ride on an airplane for the first time, hehehe. My college roommate has been asking me to visit her in Iloilo for the longest time and I finally decided to give in. I really liked seeing the clouds outside the window and that was my favorite part in riding a plane. It's really so relaxing and it was a good way to meditate and think about things.

As I've mentioned, it was also my first time to visit Iloilo. As a matter of fact, it's the fist time I got to visit a place outside Luzon. I was there for a whole week and it was fun although I wasnt able to visit the beaches in Guimaras because a storm came up on my third day there. But at least I was able to go tour both provinces.

I've really done a lot of travelling this year. Before the year ended I even got to go to Batangas and there, I wore a two-piece swim suit, which was another first for me . Hehehehe! I've never done that before coz I usually just wear shorts and tank top when I go swimming.

It's also this year that I got to experiene falling in love and getting my heart broken the first time. Hahahaha! I realized I'm not made of stone and that I am actually capable of loving...and getting hurt. Sheeesh!!!!

But one of the most memorable things that really happened this year was my seeing Hanson and watching them perform live. It's the icing on the cake; the cherry on my drink; the peak of my year. It was the event that topped all events that happened to me this year.

As I've said, 2004 was a very fruitful year for me. I really hope that 2005 would be as fruitful if not better.

Longing for Apathy

"Minsan pasaway talaga ang tao. Di mo nman inaaya, dadating at sasali sa mundo mo. Masakit pa nito, kung kelan apektado ka na sa kanya, saka pa sha aalis tangay ang mundong dati ay solo mo."


This past month, all I actually felt was hurt...and I guess, panghihinayang. Try as I might, I can't help feeling helpless coz I can't have the one guy I wanted. I guess you could say I was still hoping...hoping we'll be back together...hoping he meant every word he told me when we were still together...hoping he'll fulfill all those things that he told me before....

Fool that I was, I fell for every word, every look, every touch...I can never get mad at him despite all that I see and feel...and what people tell me...I received a lot of "i told you so's" when we broke up but I never believed that he could and would intentionally hurt me...

But I was wearing my heart on my sleeve...for anyone to break, step on, and trample over....I was a disaster waiting to happen...

I've been dealing with these emotions for over a month now and I found out it's gona tire you out eventually...I am just so tired of living in this emotional crisis!!! I want out...out of this ****hole that I put myself into...

I read somewhere that the opposite of love is not hate but apathy. How I long for the day I would no longer feel anything for him.

Survey About Love

This is something I found sa friendster...I wana answer it kaya lng dami mkaka-basa pag sa friendster bulletin board ko ipo-post kaya d2 na lng...dyahe eh

1. are u serious wen it comes to relationships?
::::: i always enter a relationship hoping he would be THE one

2. are you afraid of commitments?
::::: nope.

3. are u a risk taker?
::::: most of the time no. but....as they say, there are exemptions to every rule

4. what can u say abt. long distance relationships?
::::: didn't work for me....

5. can u luv a person who doesnt love u?
::::: yes, pero mahirap ang unreciprocated love

6. do actions speak louder than words?
::::: sometimes. mas gusto ko pa din minsan marinig...

7. have you felt/found true love?
::::: wat is true love anyways?

8. how can you say that a person loves you?
::::: sabi nila you'll know it...you'll feel it

9. are you good in handling relationships?
::::: i guess not kasi hindi nagwo-work out relationships ko eh

10. willing to give everything?
::::: not everything pero i can make sacrifices para mag-work ang relationship

11. best thing you've learned from loving?
::::: to always find a reason to smile :)

12. do you demand your loved one to change into someone that pleases u?
::::: not exactly demand pero i would want to, i guess...

13. would you let go of someone you love?
::::: i have! sakit pala...

14. are you a one woman man & vice versa type of person?
::::: oo naman

15. is sex important in a relationship?
::::: i just recently realized, oo pala (hehehe)

16. how do you express your love to someone?
::::: i try to make things easier for the person...

17. what is the major reason of a break up?
:::::: if at least one partner is not willing to work it out...

18. most important ingredient in a relationship?
:::::: maturity

19. ever regret loving someone?
:::::: "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" hehehe

20. one thing you hate about love?
:::::: nagiging tanga ka when you're in love

21. one thing you like about love?
:::::: it makes you willing to change...for the better...

22. worst thing u did to a loved one?
:::::: i didn't fight for him, and our relationship

23. are you in love?
:::::: i think i still am...

24. with whom?
:::: a special friend

25. do u have a bf/gf?
:::::: none

26. why?
:::::: i can't have the one i want

27. are you a hopeless romantic?
:::::: yes, definitely!

28. do you get tired of loving ?
:::::: no...i get tired of getting hurt...

29. who has changed your view about loving?
:::::: my ex...he's changed my view on a lot of things...

30. message to your loved one? ::::::
uhmmmm.... i love you? hehehe

Ooops I did it again....

This morning, I took a commendation call and sent an email about it to the whole TS Voice Team. Funny coz I mistook the agent's name for Ramon Fernandez instead of Ramon Fernando. That was so emabarassing! But good sport that I am, I just took it in stride...

Unfortunately, I had to endure remarks and comments from friends and other helpdesk agents who got to read the email...Hahaha!

The Week That Was....

I haven't been able to post anything for quite some time now, i know...it's not that i have been busy or anything....i guess it's just that i have been on cloud 9 since seeing hanson in person (hehehe)...

The past week...and weekend...has actually been pretty interesting, if I may say so myself. First thing that happened, my ex, who has been abroad for the past 2 yrs is now back in the country. And as I expected, he wanted us to get back together. Hahaha, am I "feeling" or what? Well, thing is I dont want him back...harsh ba? I cant explain it, but I just don't... He's starting to make kulit...calling and texting me...and it's not flattering anymore...Hayyy....hirap tlga ipanganak na maganda! (hehehe, joke lang po! =P) Hey, this is my blog and i can write anything i want, right? Hihihihi! Man, this is what I call, freedom of speech...Yahooo!!!!

Anywayz, last week I also went to take may APE here in the office...Funny but I met someone who seemed interested in me. Kakatawa tlga! Hindi ako sanay na kina-karir ha? Hehehe...basta! kadiri lng tlga ng feeling...although at first, I have to admit, i got kilig...pero after a while, wala na...Tangerks ko pa and I gave him my number. Tuloy, ang kulit mag-text. It's not that the guy is ugly or anything. Tangkad pa nga and he's ok nman as far as looks is concerned...pero wala tlga eh....

Saturday night, I went out with Olan, Kate, Madaks, Michiko and Toni. We had dinner at Greenbelt and then videoke at IO afterwards. After 3hrs of singing and laughing, we went to some bar in Timog til around 4 in the morning. The party isn't over yet but unfortunately we had to leave early because I still have work at 6am that day. As usual, when I'm with the gang we had a great time. At first I wasn't enjoying it coz I had a splitting headache. Gladly, Madaks has biogesic and I slept a few minutes while Olan was hugging the microphone (hehehe). When I woke up, I was energized na! Pwede na ulit makipagsabayan kay Olan (tee-hee)

After the videoke, we went to Absynthe in Greenbelt because the others wanted to go dancing. Unfortunately, the bar was already crowded and we felt we weren't going to have as much fun so we decided to go somewhere else. I dunno how we decided but we somehow found ourselves at Timog. We went bar hopping trying to check out the crowd...with the first few bars we went to, either the people were too young or they were too jologs (hehehe)...finally, we came upon this bar which at first we didn't like. But when we were about to leave, the elevator door opened and out came a cute guy (I was like, "oh maybe he's the only cute guy in the whole place and if so, it's not worth going back to the club for)...when we got to the ground floor, a group of good looking guys came in and they were on their way to the bar...and that decided it for us. Hahaha! We went back up and partied until morning.

Afterwards, I went home, took a bath and went to work. I didn't eat very much that day coz I was using my break to catch up on sleep. I had to keep myself awake after my shift because I was going home to Pampanga. It's been a month since I last went home and I kinda miss my bed and my family. Plus I had to pay my dad the money I borrowed to buy the hanson ticket (tee-hee) which he insisted I pay in kind instead of in cash. Bait tlga ng dad ko noh? Hehehe! If ur reading this, "I love you, papa!" *wink, wink*

Anywayz, when I got to Apalit, I went to pick up my sister's friend who is staying with us and then we went to Fisherman's Grill and bought sizzling chicken which is one of my favorite dishes. When we got home, I had dinner and went directly to bed. I had a dreamless sleep and woke up late the next day feeling relaxed and well rested. That day I found out our 13th month pay has already been credited in the bank so I went shopping with my brother. We bought a couple of slacks for my dad, a couple of shirts, additional christmas decors for the tree and some other decorations for the house. Of course we also bought lots of food to bring home for us, my dad and my sister. We got home at around 9pm and I took a bath and went directly to bed.

Now I'm back in the office. The weekend and my restdays have come and gone and now I'm ready to do battle with work again, hehehe. Gosh, I wana go back home....


the guys I can never live without (papa, and my brother, Derick)