Life...oh life!!!

Yesterday I got a call from my bestfriend. We actually saw it coming but we were both still surprised when her boyfriend of less than a year finally proposed marriage to her. She was pretty ecstatic when I spoke to her. Well, I guess who wouldn't be, huh? I mean the person you love asks you to spend the rest of your life with him? That's something.

I am very happy for my bestfriend. However, I can't help but feel sad for myself. If you live in the province and you reach my age, people see you as nearing the "old maid" age. Sometimes, talking to my relatives make me rethink about my life and how I live it. I get to thinking "am I really that old?" "do i really need to be married for my life to be complete?" is marriage all there really is to living a so-called complete life?"

In Pampanga, i spent my growing up years with my bestfriends Winnie and Joan. Winnie is already married and has a son. Yesterday, Joan got engaged. That means I'm the only one left single. Admittedly, marriage is not included in my plans for the near future. However, getting the news from Joan made me feel sad for myself because I don't even have someone special in my life right now. The closest thing I have for a boylet is not even MY boylet. I don't even know if I like him enough to want to be close to him.

To be honest, I used to not care about things like this. I mean, I could care less what happens to me in the future. I just go about with my life trying to enjoy things as they come. However, around my birthday last month, I started pondering about my life (where I'm at, what I'm doing and where I'm going) and it got me frustrated to find out that I haven't really accomplished anything in my life. It left me feeling disillusioned and irritated about everything. That plus the fact that my dad told me, in no uncertain terms, that I need to get my life straightened out.

Problem is, I don't know where to start. I don't even know what I really want to happen to me. I hate this! I hate feeling like this. Lately all I've been wanting to do was go home and stay home. It doesn't matter if it's at my dad's house or my tita's house. TGIF, I'll be going home again tomorrow....

cRuSHinG oN mIkE!!!

Lately, I have been crushing on Mike Tan of Startstruck. He is really very cute and he kinda looks like someone back home. Actually, I found out about Mike because people said he looks like Jonathan.

I duno if I really like Jonathan or if I just wana know "what if." One thing's for sure, he made me a promise that he would make me forget about my ex and he has. Most of the time now, when I look and feel wistful, it's him I'm thinking about.

But as usual, everything is just so darned complicated. When I was finally deciding to try it out with him, something happened that I couldn't put a finger on. Now I really have to find out if I really want him...if I do, I have to do something...

Til then, I have Mike to crush on and watch out for. Hahahaha!