When you feel trapped by love, do you really wanna escape? Part II

I guess this is the continuation of my post dated Oct. 26, 2004. It was left in the drafts folder...hanging...

Funny but it seems to me that that post kinda symbolizes the state of my relationship...I just got to post it now because at last, I have finally made my peace. At this point in time, everything has finally cleared up. I was saying on that post how certain pictures and a video bothered me. A few weeks after that one of my friends found out that her guy is not serious about their relationship. I saw how mad and hurt my friend was and I guess I got scared. The "sigurista" in me panicked. I dont ever want to feel or experience anything like that. As it is, Its enough that I cried over this guy--once. And I'll make sure it's never gonna happen again.

Anyways, yesterday we finally ended everything. And we are now officially "not together." To be honest, I have mixed feelings about it. I am sad because I really loved this guy and I wanted to be the girl he's gonna spend the rest of his life with. Coz no matter how fucked up he or his life may seem, he actually has a lot of promise. When my friends would ask me what I see in him I would just smile at them. They would not understand. I actually see the depth in the person. However I dont think he has figured out what he really wants in life. He is still confused and if I stay with him, I think I'm also gona get confused. In that sense I actually also feel relieved that we're no longer together. At least now I can move on...get on with my life...

As he said, we will just let fate take its course...if it's meant to be, it's meant to be...

I was actually telling Kate last night how weird it seems that I didn't even feel like crying. Was it that I was never really in love with him? (I swear, I really thought it was the real thing.) Why is it that I can never give myself (body and soul) to someone without reservations? Why do I always have to look at my relationships rationally?